The Big Gig

Chris Hansen. I've never seen such a smarmy self-righteous no talent. You've seen this right? "To Catch A Predator." The cops make online chat with child predators, and lure the potential rapists to a house with the promise of pumpin' some virginal 14 year old meat. Then, after a child voiced sweety lures the dupe into the house, his palms sweaty, his penis already growing erect, surprise: Chris Hansen pops out! He has questions ready to go! "What are you doing here?", "What did you plan to do?", "If I may read from your chat online, 'I want to blank you in every room in the house and then I want you to blank the cat.' Did you really want a 14 year old girl to pleasure a cat?" Go ahead Chris. Say it. You know you want to. I can see it in your face.

Besides the obvious thought of how does he do it with a straight face, I usually wind up thinking how the fuck is he so sleazy and high-horsed that I'm rooting for the child rapists?

There is a reason. Chris Hansen doesn't belong there. The cops do, and they are. Chris Hansen on the other hand is inserting himself to get a ratings bonanza under the guise of dishing out some justice in the form of scolding rapists. It’s infuriating. Hella watchable, but infuriating. Gee Chris, really tough spot, confronting a terrified child rapist red handed in front of your own camera crew. Really takin' a chance there. These pathetic blobs are in tears as they realize they're on National TV pokin' around for 14 year old poon. What do you really want them to say as you ask what they're doing there? Everyone knows already. These people have deep problems with the direction that their libido is facing and all you're doing is exploiting criminals cause its easy to hate on them. You're not changing them. You're not punishing them. You're making money off of them in the form of ratings. There's no easier target. Mr. Hansen, you're a dirty fuck.

Don't think this is a deterrent. When NYC developed a plan of putting 'johns' faces on billboards in order to thin the crowds of whores walking on the West Side during the Koch years, that was a deterrent. And believe me, this is where Mr. Hansen's inner strength comes from. The reason he has for telling himself he's so good as he looks in the mirror. He makes himself believe he's making a difference.

So he tells them they're free to go, when really, cops pounce the second they hit the door. It’s a game of tease the rapist. If it was the family of a previous victim, then I say, give 'em free punches. But it’s just a network stiff with a stick up his ass. What he's doing is despicably low, but he does it with people who are so low that he can stoop to the bottom and still be on top, safe and smelling clean. What an absolute loser.

A few years ago Dateline NBC ran a story about migrant workers. They followed one story, one family, across the country as they tried to survive on daddy's occasional berry picking salary. Then, one night, the family's van caught on fine. It was the family's only asset, their transport, and their home. It started as a little fire. The cameraman and reporter filmed as the fire grew, but they did nothing. The family came running back and did what they could to save it themselves. Sure, the Dateline crew could have snuffed the engine fire early on with just a hankie, but that'd be interfering. They must have taken some journalism school ethics class that explained to them why its morally correct to let a family's only means of survival burn to a crisp rather than lift a finger if it is part of a story you're covering.

But wait a minute. Isn't inserting yourself into a police sting of sexual predators, telling them they're free to leave, asking them questions on camera, and morally coaching their sorry asses… interfering? I guess even the freshman level of that journalism class explained that the interference rule only applies if it means prolonging recordable suffering.

I'd love to see every one of the people caught by Dateline NBC set free due to a technicality involving entrapment by a privately owned news company trying to make a buck by putting rapists in a show. What's so frustrating is that if those people were freed it would result in rapes, so I can't really root for that. At least then there could be a story about how NBC's Dateline fucked up a perfectly sound investigation by the Miami police and wound up freeing dozens of rapists.

Then we could all look the other way if the father of a rape victim decided to beat the shit out of Chris Hansen in an alleyway and piss all over his shit eating grin.

Chris you fuck. Just like Cops (whose legality I always thought should be brought to the Supreme court) your Predators show is so fucking watchable. You've caught us all in the double bind. I'd watch bestiality and murder if it was on TV. I'd be first in line. But it doesn't make it right. Don't act like it is.